The Scarlet Letter
Volume VII, Number 2 | March 2002
The Spiritual Songs of His Horniness
the Rama Lama Ding Dong

There once was a wizard named Al,
Who said if you find a good gal,
And she says okey-dokey
To the hokey-pokey...
Voila! The Elixir Vital!

There once was a sage named Lao Tzu
Who taught a mysterious view:
If you stay here and now,
And follow the tao,
You’ll revert to something called “PU!?!”

Mohammed, prophet of Allah,
Said to those that did follah,
“If you fight with the sword,
You’ll meet up with the Lord,
in heaven,...or is that Valhallah.”

There once was peaceful Dakini,
Who looked not a day past sixteeny;
One look in her eyes,
Which look like two skies,
Makes me feel all warm and sereney.

There was an impassioned Dakini,
Who dressed in a diamond bikini,
She came out of the sky,
Unzipped my fly,
And up came my kundaweeny.

There once was a wrathful dakini,
Who was being a really big meanie,
She lopped off my head,
To ghouls I was fed,
And she drank my blood like a martini.

I petitioned Lord Vajrasattva,
In hopes he’d help clean up my tatva.
In a lengthy confession,
I revealed my transgression;
But he only said, “Whadja do dat fuh?”

His Horniness, Lama Ding Dong
Has now made his attempt at song.
His childish verse,
Which couldn’t be worse,
At least is not very long.

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